Using business as a grief/coping mechanism
(Transcribed from the Freelance Fairytales Podcast)
This is actually a topic I want to explore in its own book. It’s the first time I’m talking about something like this on this podcast with you guys. It’s a hard topic for me to talk about because it requires me to reflect on my own grief I am very much still enduring after the death of my father and both my grandmothers in a very short amount of time. But I will leave my personal details there.
When I was in the darkest moments of my life - well hopefully for the rest of my life anyway - I was just staring into an expanse of nothingness. You feel like your entire identity, everything you thought you knew, has been tossed out the window. It’s a feeling you can’t really prepare anyone for, and I really hope other people don’t have to feel it. Maybe it’s because the death of my father was unexpected. Whatever it was, it was a really, really dark time. It’s why so many people turn to alcohol, pills, sex, anything to help them feel something again. I get why they do it.
Choosing to Obsess Over Business
I chose to do something, I guess different? I chose to obsess over business. When I say obsess, I mean like 14-hour days, every day, no days off. It carried me through really hard times. And I look back on it and I’m proud that that’s how I chose to ride out the initial shock. I actually have always wanted to share that with people enduring their own grief, telling them there’s a way to ride this out without the drugs. You can do it by obsessing over a business.
I doubled down in 2018 as a way to cope. I allowed all of my negative, grief-stricken emotions to be poured into building something up. Instead of finding a fixer upper home, I allowed myself to pour that same kind of energy into my business. It was more than just freelance writing for me every day - it was a way to express my emotions and make it to the next day. And what better way to do that than to build something you own while helping people along the way? I really feel like it helped me get out of what I sometimes feel is indescribable.
So if you’re listening and you feel like you’re staring down something insurmountable, and you want to grab a bottle of wine or adder all or anything that makes you feel a little number, I challenge you to consider the idea of obsessing over a business - or a side hustle - instead. Being in business, elevating your earnings, and pushing yourself to see how far you can go comes with its own rush. It comes with a high, truly. It’s why so many business people can’t stop and suddenly become billionaires. It’s a high that can satisfy the feeling you’re craving while things feel so hard. But it’s a much safer and more lucrative high than all of the other options. And at the end of the initial grief spell, you’ll be left looking at something that is yours - that you own. Something that can provide for you, your family, or your future family. That’s one less thing to worry about when you’re in the sea of grief and can’t even remember if you put your socks on or not.
For me, I found freelance writing to be that solution in that moment. But I bet it can be done with any side hustle. Anything that presents a challenge to you, that you can pour endless thought into and still have more to do. Anything that can consume 14-hours per day and still keep you interested, which pretty much sums up any side hustle.
You Don’t Have to Hustle Yourself to Death
Now I am not a psychologist, nor am I encouraging you to hustle yourself to death. I am actually in the process of now separating myself from my defensive hustle to living as a normal person again. Which isn’t exactly an easy thing to do, either. But I did what I had to do, and at the end of the day, I am proud of what I have built. Hustling to avoid thinking about habits or problems is not a long-term solution, at all. But I believe it’s a viable option when you’re in those first few years of plain ole shock. And I believe it’s something that should be discussed more with people in that state of shock, as opposed to rushing to the medications. Again, I am no doctor, but I do believe pumping our bodies with chemicals isn’t the answer. I believe you can still feel something while you are hustling yourself to death. You’re at least not filled with chemicals! I wish our culture wasn’t so obsessed with popping pills the second an inconvenience lands at our feet.
Pick out a few side hustles that you want to try. If you’re going through something, allow yourself to be poured into the hustle. Have some on deck if anything ever does happen. Recognize this as a way to get through something dark. It’s never talked about, but I believe it should be. We should promote hustling over taking pills and doing irreversible damage to our bodies. As you can tell, pill popping and alcoholism hits close to home for me- but whatever it is for you, consider viewing it all from this lens. And remember, this is just my personal experience.
If you like topics like these, let me know on my social media or shoot me an email. It can help me identify future topics and if I should write a book on this. It’s just one of my many zany philosophical ideas floating around my head. Didn’t mean to get all serious on you guys there. Go watch something funny now to lighten the mood haha. Alright, anyway as always, go out there, go crush your dreams, go be someone different than you currently are if that’s what you want, go be multi passionate. I believe in you!