How to not feel ‘shame’ when promoting your own products/brand

(Transcribed from the Freelance Fairytales Podcast)

Someone submitted this topic on Instagram and I just instantly felt called to speak to it. What a great topic and what a great way to sum it up. This is something that’s so universal to everyone, feeling shame to self promote and put yourself out there. We are so scared of rocking the boat and proclaiming we stand for something today that most people cower in the shadows, occasionally writing a comment on social media. And I get it - it’s scary to think that 3 billion people online might see your promotion or might have something to say about it. As humans, we are so sensitive to the thoughts and opinions of our community. It’s what happens as social creatures and in a lot of ways, there’s nothing we can ever do to change that part of ourselves.

But, we can most definitely change our real time mindset and how we think about what we are doing. You can totally rewire how your approach something like this so that you never feel shame again for promoting your own products or brand. You guys know I fell into this trap for years! So many years. And when I finally came out of it, I was like wow, I can’t believe I let this stop me. 

So for this episode, I looked up the definition of shame to provide context for what I’m going to ramble at you guys. According to Google, shame is defined as “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.” The word consciousness really jumped out at me here. Shame can only be experienced if the conscious part of our brain decides it’s being experienced. It’s something we concoct in our heads. Shame doesn’t just exist out in the world or in nature - it’s a self inflicted wound we place upon ourselves when we perceive consciously that we are doing something wrong. And since shame entirely exists up in our minds, and nowhere else, then inside our minds we must go to conquer this feeling of shame.

We develop shame for sharing things we’re passionate about early on in our lives. For me, when I was just a little kid, some of my relatives made fun of my writing, or more specifically my poetry, and it made my little brain associate sharing my artist work with shame. For others, it can be a performance you did in high school and some kids made fun of you. Or it could be your parent telling you that going into the arts isn’t a respectable future for yourself. Shame can come from a variety of places and when our mind clings to it, it becomes a preconceived notion we don’t even challenge. I think one of the major reasons I went to college for political science and thought I was going to be a chief of staff is because my brain did not allow me to entertain the idea that I could be writer or even a poet one day. I felt so much shame around poetry that I unknowingly shifted what I wanted for my future in an effort to protect myself. Isn’t it so wild how our minds work? Our brains are just trying to protect us, yet, they can cause the biggest damage of all. That’s why we are all our own worst enemies.

So now you arrive into adulthood being used to feeling ashamed.  If you were never encouraged to be creative and share your creative talents with people, then you arrive to adulthood ashamed and lacking in confidence. This is why so many people fall into the trap of stable jobs that pay the bills, while making them miserable along the way. They’re ashamed to want something more for themselves. Or they’re ashamed to put themselves out there and proclaim they are now selling a product or service on their own. Which brings you to this podcast today. Don’t worry, this happens to so so many people, so if this is you, you are not alone.

Accepting the Inevitable Criticism

You’re now staring at a business proposition you want to share with people. Maybe you’re selling copywriting services, or products on an e-commerce website. You want to let the world know you are selling these things so they can come and buy them. It’s the basis of any business. But something is freezing your fingers before you make that post on Instagram, or write that article. You just quite can’t send the email out there because what if… what if people see it, and laugh at you, and make fun of you? What if people call you full of yourself, Or worse, say that you’re bragging? If I had a dollar for every person who tells me to stop bragging on social media. I’ve learned something important - bragging is what people with unhappy, fixed mindsets see. Personal growth and a desire to be success is what everyone else is going to see. There are always going to be the people with the fixed mindsets who scoff at your self promotion. You need to know and accept that. Accepting it will set it free, that yes, there will be people that say the things you don’t want them to say. Know that and be ok with it. And know that the other half of the people are going to love watching you put yourself out there. They’re going to be your clients, they’re going to look up to you, and they may even be inspired to go do the same thing. 

Think of those people when you make the self promotional post. Don’t think of the haters. The haters are just jealous they don’t have the balls to post the same thing. They wish they could tell the world about their idea or invention, too. God made us all creative, which means every single human being has something creative they want to share with the world. And since those haters don’t have the balls to share their creativity, they are so mad that you do. They’re not even mad at you directly - they’re mad that they don’t know what to do. They don’t know how to get past the shame roadblock. If you really want to blow their minds, send them this podcast episode. It’s what they need to hear, too.

No but really, think of the people you are helping when you put yourself out there. Be transparent and brave will bring in spiritual financial rewards for you, and it will also inspire others to follow in your footsteps. You have no idea how God is going to use your posts for good to help others. And the beauty of being human is that it’s not our job to worry or know what God is going to do with the posts. Just know that by existing, creating, and sharing with the world, you are creating positive ripples that will go around the world making changes you could never have imagined.

Putting Your Ideas Out There Could Help Someone Else

And there should be zero shame in wanting to partake in the energetic exchange that is life. And there should be absolutely zero shame in wanting to share your story so that others can experience it, draw their own conclusions, and decide to make their lives better, too. Whether they follow in your footsteps or book your service. Maybe you’re a life coach. Your service might help someone turn their life around and change it forever. None of that can happen if you don’t get past the shame point and just post it. Put it out there. I promise you, the first post will be the scariest. Do it and walk away, turn the phone off, go on a long walk and realize we take everything so so seriously on this planet. It’s all going to be ok - no one died from the post. Smell the fresh air, look at the sky, and realize that you’re putting so much pressure on yourself. No one really knows what they are doing with their lives - I promise you that.

So sit back and know that you should feel zero shame about ever sharing a project or idea with the world. The world needs you to show up - there’s a reason you’re down here. Believing truly there is a reason you’re on this planet will make the shame evaporate.

One of the main reasons I made my free fb group is for people to connect and bond over these different feelings when freelancing. So don’t forget to join it! It’s linked on my website or you can look it up on Facebook at Freelancing Mentorship with Alexandra Fasulo. 

You heard it from me here today. Don’t be ashamed. Don’t ever be ashamed for who you are or what you want to post. You have an audience somewhere that will come find you and support you. But you have to take that initiative to put yourself out there first. You got this.